"I was diagnosed with OCD, panic disorder, and agoraphobia. I have wanted to give up nearly every day the past two years. My OCD is existential, so there are days when I am completely terrified of everyone and everything. Literally. Things don’t look real to me. People I know and trust seem weird. I have days when I can’t leave the house and panic attacks come one right after the other. I have many days when I wonder if having an ED was easier than facing all this shit.
This is what I was running from with my ED and unless I face it head on, it will always be lurking around to pop in at the most inconvenient time. I need to deal with it now or I have no chance of living the meaningful life I so desperately seek. There are days when I crumble to the floor and cry. Crying for everything I have lost and everything I want to gain. Crying because this is way harder than I could possibly have imagined. Crying because the thoughts are still there and I cannot run. Crying because sometimes it gets to be too much and no one understands. Crying because I want to go back to my ED so bad and I cannot."
- Shelly Guillory
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