"you aren’t delicate
or lovely
you aren’t romantically sad
or poetically broken

you are just a sick little girl
with your head in the toilet
and scratches on your wrists"

I'm deteriorating.

Because...

I want to feel my bones and know their strength.

"You are not only losing weight, you are also losing your mind. Eating Disorders take no prisoners, they only destroy."

Road to recovery,

"I was diagnosed with OCD, panic disorder, and agoraphobia.  I have wanted to give up nearly every day the past two years.  My OCD is existential, so there are days when I am completely terrified of everyone and everything. Literally. Things don’t look real to me. People I know and trust seem weird. I have days when I can’t leave the house and panic attacks come one right after the other. I have many days when I wonder if having an ED was easier than facing all this shit.

 This is what I was running from with my ED and unless I face it head on, it will always be lurking around to pop in at the most inconvenient time. I need to deal with it now or I have no chance of living the meaningful life I so desperately seek. There are days when I crumble to the floor and cry.  Crying for everything I have lost and everything I want to gain. Crying because this is way harder than I could possibly have imagined.  Crying because the thoughts are still there and I cannot run. Crying because sometimes it gets to be too much and no one understands. Crying because I want to go back to my ED so bad and I cannot."

- Shelly Guillory